".. be a hero"

So he said.


Continuously enduring pain I shouldn't even be feeling.
(They didn't even realized they inflicted on me)

Sharing what's supposed to be mine.

Saying "I'm fine..", "It's fine.." just so they could be happy.

No matter how they make me unconsciously choose between them,
I constantly try my best to make both of them happy
(Even if it hurts me..)

Continuously blaming myself for this.
That if only I had handled things differently.. If only I wasn't this selfish..
.. if only I wasn't 'this' and 'that' or what...
Things might've been different.

Giving up a lot of things. Convincing myself that it's okay, they're not for me.
(Yes, apparently, a complete family's one of them.)

When I was around 11, I had told myself that no matter how painful it gets for me,
I will try to understand them.
(And I've been doing so. Through the years. And until now.)

Crying myself to sleep.
Asking my dear Lord why it has to be me.
(Was I really that bad of a person?)

Complying, struggling, and giving precious things up. Because they can't do it themselves.



And here I thought

these were enough to be considered "heroic"..

I guess not.

They need more from me.