I Guess That Was A Christmas Present..?

I was walking around looking for my baby,

As I turned around,
I saw her running towards me
With that wide bright smile of hers.

I gave her a hug
As she jumped into my arms.


I woke up.

I wished I hadn't.

Hate Everything

I know it's not the world's fault for being how it is.

The things I'm going through right now,
The things I'm complaining about,
Are the result of my decisions, actions, and inaction.

I guess I'm frustrated at the fact that
Everything is just really my fault.

I Wanna Go Home

I have to find her

I Can’t Help But Think

Of just how wonderful it is
That God blessed the world with
Creatures that could love and protect
Unconditionally..

And yet.. There are countless of them
Alone.. with no family.. no home..
Unloved.. Unappreciated..

And my baby’s one of them..
Remaining unfound..
Waiting.. hoping to be found
To be hugged and loved again..

I Wouldn’t Want Anything Else

Than to spend time with her again.

I want her back..

I’d do anything for it..



Please be safe..

Keep fighting and
Stay strong

Till I can hug
And care for you again


Damn.
I miss her.

It Has Been A Week

And not a single lead
To where my baby is.

I want to punch someone and beat them to death

And that someone is me.


I want her back.
No matter what it’ll take.

I will either live with her
Or.. leave with her

She deserves so much
So much more..

She have to safe.

I Was Standing Still.. Watching..

As a house,
May or may not be my own,
Get eaten by flames.

Flames,
I may or may not have
Created myself.

I Killed Someone

I’m not sure if I knew
Him or her..

I’m not even sure
How I killed that person.

But I know,
Someone was there with me.
No idea who, but I call her “hana”

I don’t know if she helped me with it
Or was just a witness

But we ran away together.

We took the black van
And drove it halfway to the airport.

Changed vehicle to a motorcycle.
(So the police couldn’t track us)

We were passingby a wet market,
When I noticed the police coming.

And before they even see us,

Hana grabbed me and we hurriedly
Got on the motorcycle.
She told me to hang on tight
As she drove fast and reckless,
Losing the police.

Our plan was to go
Out of the country before the police
Even suspected us.

We will leave,
And live our life somewhere.
I don’t know exactly where,
But just not the prison.

In the middle of the drive,
Hana said she was tired,
And told me to drive.

I didn’t like the idea,
But I did anyways.

I drove slowly and cautiously.
Scared.
That if ever the police was onto us,
I wouldn’t be able to drive as good as hana.
We’ll get caught.

Now far from where we’re from,
And real close to the airport.

We decided to take a break.

We went in to a house,
Who knows whose.
And we slept for a night.

I woke up and immediately
Got ready for the drive.

I was waiting outside for hana.

As hana was leaving the house,
He noticed someone inside
A room with slightly opened door.

He seems oblivious to what was going on.
He was sleeping.
Soundly.

She couldn’t see his face
But she said she knows him.

She ran out the house, towards me
And told me she wants to stay.

I was surprised.
I argued with her.
She can’t stay. She won’t be safe.

She said she’ll be fine.

I was so mad at her.
I couldn’t believe
She would choose to stay for a stranger.

I wanted to leave.


————————————

In hindsight,
I could’ve just left her
And leave the country.
But in my dream, 
We either have to stay together
Or leave together.

In the end,
I didn’t know which path we took..

SHE BETTER BE SAFE

She must be really scared
all alone out there.

And here I am,
unable to do anything for her.

I won't be able to forgive myself
if anything bad happens to her.

GIVE HER BACK!

I know I deserve all the bad things
but I wish the universe will leave my baby out of it.


I want her back

or I'm gone too.

I Feel Like I'm Wasting Myself..

I don't like me right now..

Well, when have I ever?
There's just always something to hate..

But right now, and the past few months,
Is the most worthless I've ever seen myself.

I'm a dead weight garbage,
Slowly withering away..

And the only thing keeping me sane,
The only thing preventing me
From totally loathing myself,

Is something I don't deserve.